Applying for a job. Everyone's worst nightmare (other than the one where you're in gym class and you're the last to be picked again and suddenly you realise you're naked.).

As with anything else, there are Dos and Don'ts. One of the main Dos is; Get Yourself Noticed.
The job market is getting harder and harder to penetrate; every job offer, no matter how lowly or badly paid is innundated with applications. How to stand out?

I worked in Human Resources for a short time, and four of the applications out of the enormous pile I had to sift through every day really stuck with me, though for all the wrong reasons:

1) The Sea Monster
This gentleman was unique, in that he only referred to himself in the 3rd person. He also appeared to believe he was a sea monster, and listed one of his hobbies as "carrying small children gently on my back through the waves". He gave as his references the many small children he had carried thus over the years.
I found him fascinating, and dearly would have liked to know more, but as you can imagine his CV was quickly disposed of.

2) The Emo
A CV and application letter richly decorated with drawings; skulls, blood spattered faces, beating hearts and people hanging from trees all featured largely. Admittedly he was applying for the position of Graphic Designer, but it was all too much, and his application was shredded by a terrified HR manager.

3) The Charmer
Delivered to the office one day; a huge bunch of flowers. Roses, carnations, lillies; a blaze of colour and scent sitting at reception. Who were they for? Why, the head of HR, Sarah. She was summoned from her office to fetch them and appeared in reception smiling happily in anticipation. A secret admirer maybe? We would soon know; there in the foliage nestled a card. We gathered round, agog, as she opened it. There, inside, folded very small, was... a CV! Sarah's face dropped, as did the CV...into the bin.

4) The Lunatic
This particular CV was heavy. What on earth had this gentleman included? Business cards, an example of his work on heavy backing?
No, there, sellotaped to the very bottom of the CV, were three rusty nails. And next to them, a caption: "I AM THE BEST PERSON FOR THIS JOB. HAMMER THAT INTO YOUR HEAD."
Enough said.


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